smile back.: May 2010

lauren.

on may 4 (2010), earth lost a great treasure, but heaven gained a great one. it's such a surreal feeling, death. what do you even do with it? yes- it's easier when you know where that person is. i know that lauren is in heaven. but it's still so hard. and that's coming from someone who lived in a not close circle in her life, who has the peace of mind, and the gaining peace of heart, that she is heaven- that she is home.
this is what Lauren's obituary said: Lauren Nicole Eshbaugh, age 19, of Indiana, passed away Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at her home surrounded by her family and pastors. She has a very strong faith in the Lord, which helped her live her life to the fullest during her 19 month battle with cancer. She was born May 17, 1990 in Indiana, to Kenneth W. and Kathleen A Hasty Eshbaugh. Lauren was a member of the Trinity United Methodist Church where she was a member of the Youth Group and often sang with the church choir. She just completed her first year at Carnegie Mellon University, where she was studying voice performance. She was recently initiated into Sigma Alpha Iota, a women's music fraternity. Lauren has a love of music and began singing in choruses since the age of nine... A 2008 graduate and high honor student at Indiana Area High School, Lauren participated in numerous band, chorus, drama productions, and was a member of the National Honor Society. In addition to her love of singing, Lauren also was an accomplished pianist and flutist... .
Something that her mom said at lauren's funeral service was that the Lauren that you saw everyday was the same lauren that she saw everyday. that she was not two faced like, if we're being honest, so many of us our. there is so much about lauren's life that keeps coming to me at random points in my day- to say she has left a legacy is to say no small thing.
a little of her facebook wall:

* I looked up to you so much... Thank you for the difference you made in my life, and the lives of so many others. I will never forget you. love you.

* words cannot describe..........

* Lauren, You touched the lives of many in your special unasuming way. Your courage and optimism in the face of adversity was admirable. You were an amazing young woman with an incredible voice. Although your earthly life may have ended, you will live in on in the hearts of all who knew you. I am blessed to have been one of those people. Rest in peace.

* You were blessed with so much when you were on earth.....a radiant smile, a warm heart, a beautiful voice, a brilliant mind, a cheerful disposition, and a humble spirit. You always used what you had to bless others. What an an inspiration you were to anyone who knew you. Even during the more difficult times, you persevered with a smile on your face. Now God called you home to sing in his choir. You are loved by more people than you will ever know. Rest in peace, Lauren.

* I'll never forget the day I was able to visit you in the hospital, you changed my life that day...thank you.

* "To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." -Albus Dumbledore

* I love you, Lauren....

i'm not sure what to say here, because it's one of those things that there are no words for. past the crying easily stage, but if they played her solo with a cappella that was played at her service- the tears would fall again.

but right now, it only seems right to write about her here. it's where all the big, untouchable moments in my life get put into inglorious words on a screen... to hold onto by a string as they fade from my memory.

so this one is for you lauren. thank you for touching my life even though you probably had no clue. i know you're singing right now... i'm so glad you have your voice back.