you know that hurt?

i'm not gonna lie. i just spent the last hour and a half watching videos from a night at focus. ha it was a late night. it should have been filled with writing a paper and hours of reading... but, in apt 1021, it was filled with prank calling- everyyyone in omega. ha.
can i just tell you? my soul hurts. i want to go back. right now. like there was a clip of me and ash having a lil fight :) i want that back. there's the click of ben hanging up on me after 3 seconds. well that could be replicated i'm sure if i called him right now :) but it wouldn't be close to the same. hahaha where do i even, ugh, start? how are we supposed to deal with the realization that some things we will just never get back?
so many feelings. ah and writing never seems to come close to capturing them. all i know is... jan 09 to april 09 was the highest peak in my life. it was like being on top of pike('s peak). look down and everything seems so orderly, so figured out. then you get back down to those roads that once looked so perfectly planned and you realize you have no clue what's going on.

pike...

from the top of pike...

my soul longs to be on top of the mountain again...
...like nothing else.

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