this new year.

new years resolutions ...really :)


1. read at least one good book a month
(preferably by an old school author: lewis, chesterson, etc.)

2. play guitar more and sing more

3. the typical: loose weight.
(but for real. 10lbs = realistic, 15 would be better.)

4. appreciate learning

5. appreciate the moment. each one.


one of my favorites :)

great words.


'we make men without chests and
expect of them virtue and enterprise.
we laugh at honor and are shocked
to find traitors within our midsts.'
-c.s. lewis. abolition of man

thanks ffi, for passing this one on <3

pinch me.

i am absolutely i LOVE with this song...
it must have some connection to colorado in the back of my mind... :)

it's live... so they make it a little sketch?... and they changed the besttt parts.
sad. but it's still fantastic!!



100 years.



love this song. so. much.

wear sunscreen.

wear sunscreen.

if i could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. the long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. i will dispense this advice now.

enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. oh, never mind. you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. you are not as fat as you imagine.

don't worry about the future. or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. the real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle tuesday.

do one thing every day that scares you.

sing.

don't be reckless with other people's hearts. don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

floss.

don't waste your time on jealousy. sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. the race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

remember compliments you receive. forget the insults. if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

keep your old love letters. throw away your old bank statements.

stretch.

don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. the most interesting people i know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. some of the most interesting 40-year-olds i know still don't.

get plenty of calcium. be kind to your knees. you'll miss them when they're gone.

maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. your choices are half chance. so are everybody else's.

enjoy your body. use it every way you can. don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

do not read beauty magazines. they will only make you feel ugly.

get to know your parents. you never know when they'll be gone for good. be nice to your siblings. they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

live in new york city once, but leave before it makes you hard. live in northern california once, but leave before it makes you soft. travel.

accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise. politicians will philander. you, too, will get old. and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

respect your elders.

don't expect anyone else to support you. maybe you have a trust fund. maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. but you never know when either one might run out.

don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. advice is a form of nostalgia. dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

but trust me on the sunscreen.

good stuff.


other peoples words... that i like a lot :)


'i believe that everything happens for a reason.

people change so that you can learn to let go,

things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right,

and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.'


'like anyone else i dont like change, but something

i have learned is that don't let it get ya down...'

-my friend mark :)


'our pain is never wasted'

-prof black.


'you can't look at the past and wish you could

relive it, you just have to learn from it'

-gino


'give what you have. to someone,

it may be better than you dare to think.'

jump.


i want to be in one of these pictures...


....

....


...just sayin. :)

a thousand words.


i'm not good with words. but pictures speak a thousand, right?
i feel like i'm the little girl in this picture... just there.




i feel like the balloon is floating away because i'm realizing that i will never get spring 09 (ffi) back... maybe something better will come along... but really? at this moment i really don't think so. maybe i'll be utterly amazed sometime... but... hmm... i guess that's just a wait and see. sometimes i hopefully think that that couldn't be the best time of my life (even thought it was the best thing up to now!!), but then i catch myself wondering 'what if it was?'.

the balloon is floating away because i feel like i am so lost with where i am in life right now. what in the world am i doing? is my heart going to ache of regret when i look back on this time in my life? that terrifies me. it terrifies me.

the balloon is floating away because i feel like i have lost direction, passion, desire.



i feel like the little girl because, at the core of me, i'm just me. and i really don't know who that is yet.

i am the little girl because i look at the real world, of real people, and honestly sometimes i just want to be invisible. i'm not scared, i just feel so separate. so unready. and the balloon floats further. what am i doing right now?

in the mind of that little girl i just stand. where do i go... what do i love... what makes me angry... what now...?



and still... behind my field of vision... something reminds me:
there is always hope.

so i stand. i'm asking. where is it?