iiiii aaaaam a dreamer.


i used to think i had undiagnosed ADD.  since as long as i can remember, it takes a LOT for me to be able to focus on one thing for a long time.  my mind just goes. to where? lord knows. but it's out there somewhere.
every played the word association game? (a personal road trip fav :) ) well my mind is like the day dream association game.  for instance: i'm sitting in philosophy class and my prof (who is really good!) is talking about... something moral related. so my imagination jumps onto the cloud of 'one day i'm working in the coffee shop- that ash and i started and own- and a stranger starts talking to me about this (morality) and i am so wise about what i'm talking about that they come to respect me and we become friends and i get to share the gospel with them...' then i float to cloud 'one day i am walking down the street and there's a bunch of high schoolers and i stop and talk to them and they think i'm cool and eventually i get to share the gospel with them...' then to cloud 'one day i'm sharing the gospel with someone who i have built up a friendship with and a gorgeous man, who is everything i've always adored in men, walks up join our conversation and then we become friends... and then more then friends....' :) theeen class is over and i have to stop day dreaming for the moment.
is this weird? heck yes! :) definitely don't think for a second that this is how i think people should live life. it's like i'm a chronic dreamer.  sometimes my dreams are way out there. sometimes they're more possible.  one of my biggest possible dreams that has been taking over my thoughts lately is dreaming up the coffee shop i want to open someday.  i dream about where it will be, who i will run it with, what colors it will be inside, what the menu board will look like, ..... for real. just about ridiculous!
now it's not like i sit down and decide to dream these dreams.  no- they're more like passing thoughts.  a million passing thoughts that have created a mountain of dreams.
i daydream about life after college, i daydream about family, i daydream about being 68 (truth), i daydream about how i will die... and the list goes on. is this crazy uncommon? i don't think so. but is this completely healthy? i don't think so either.
isn't it true that sometimes we get so wrapped up in dreams that we forget about today.  on sunday, jon weece said that for so many people that he knows, their favorite day is 'someday'. 'someday' when i buy a boat. 'someday' when i have a family. 'someday' when life slows down. and it keeps going. i am in so many ways one of those people.
one of my favorite lines from harry potter is when dumbledore tells harry 'it does not do for one to live on dreams and in doing so forget to live' and one line i've heard quoted from the music man is something like 'build up enough tomorrows and all you'll find behind you is a pile of yesterdays'.
so the conclusion that i've come to? i can't stop myself from daydreaming- it just happens :) but i CAN change what those daydreams are about. i want to memorize scripture. i want to ponder the depth of life.
what we daydream about shows us what we're mediating on.  i don't want to meditate on what tomorrow will look like- because who knows if it will ever come. i want to mediate of my abba father who i owe my life to.
mumbled thoughts? yes.
ADD? possibly.
a soul that yearns to yearn for eternity and all that that encompasses? definitely.


:)
live today. live it loud. make 'someday' today. love the lord with all your heart.