this is what i've come to realize lately... i learn best when i read. second best when i listen to something over and over and over again. and third when i hear it just once. doing something is hit or miss learning for me. this is how i learn.
i have amazing friends in my life. i  really do. lindsay, ash, brit, kelly, kate, becky, jessy, so many. the problem is, none of them are immdeiately in my life.  they're all in other states, and i'm in ky. in ky, i have a lot of people i hang out with, but i have yet to meet someone who even comes close to... idk being them? i know that there are all kinds of people in the world. that's really cool. but i really believe that everywhere we go (even different states) has a different culture. a different kind of people that draws it.
i have told people that i love different culutres, but what i'm realizing is that i love third world cultures. i have told people that i love meeting new people, but really i only like meeting new people who are awesome off the bat. i have told people that god is enough period, but in real life god is only enough when i like my circumstances, or at least have solid hope that they're only temporary and that they will get better.
my entire college experience has been a real time of brokeness for me. like real brokenness. like not just sadness, not just confusion, not just wrestling, but real deep falling apart inside. thank god for skin to hold be together... sometimes i feel like it's not going to be strong enough soon, and i'm just gonna spill out everywhere. all my doubts, fears, hopelessness, insecurity, everyyywhere. there's an attractive picture. haha.
before i left indiana, i thought i knew what brokenness was.  i thought brokenness was how sad i was when swinger moved away. i thought brokenness was how left out when my two best friends started drinking and partying without me. there were several times like this, but looking at them now from 3 years up up the road, they were just hurt. at those times, i still had awesome friends and circumstances, i still liked my life- a whole lot, and i still felt young and free with my whole life a head of me. 
when i left indiana, and started life on my own, my pride was quickly broken down. my dreams started becoming unrealistic. my reality didn't come close to measuring up to the dreams i had spent years building upon. 
can i just tell you how old i feel really old?!? i know i'm 'only' 20, but ew. okay wait 10 years ago i was 10. and 5 years ago i was 15. ick i guess it's not that bad. but i still feel old sometimes. by great friend brit and i were talking about this a couple of days ago and she said that it's prob because i hang out with high school kids all the time (yEah youth min :) ) and that's prob true. but even at college.. but i guess look at asbury as a whole and it still makes sense.  i need to find some 22/23 year olds to hang out with more. yeah, that would be good.
music is amazing. it helps be become. it engraves messages into my soul. it helps me become me. 
recent amazing music: compliments of lindsay :) so good.